Episode #2 Feeling Invisible? How to Rebuild Who You Really Are
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[00:00:00] Back to yet another inspirational podcast episode brought to you by yours truly, Carina from Healergy. I'm your truth speaker, truth seeker, truth keeper, and I am so glad that you're here with me today You know those times when you just feel invisible? Every packed lunch you made with tender loving care, every item of clothing you wash, fold, and put away, the housework and dirty dishes that magically get done by that little house fairy that [00:01:00] no one ever sees.
All those birthday parties, social gatherings where you suddenly become too much for that stranger who asked what you do for a job. Too loud for the room, too big for their comfort. So what do you do? You dim yourself. You dim your light just to feel seen, just to feel safe. I know that space intimately.
It's what I like to call the in-between. It's the ache of shedding who you used to be before the new you has arrived. And I remember a time crying in the shower. Actually, I remember a lot of times where I've cried in the shower, mainly so no one sees me. And that stems from the shame and guilt I carry around for not feeling like I'm enough, like crying is a weakness, even though I know it's not.
And I support the women I work with to understand [00:02:00] that too, that crying is a form of processing for the body. You know, we all know how good it feels after we've had a big cry, right? It's cleansing for the soul, it's necessary, it's human, and it's normal. Okay, I'm gonna say that again. It's normal. And yet, in those moments, I still found myself hiding, so I didn't have to explain to my husband or my children why Mommy was crying, because I didn't even understand why.
So how could I possibly explain to them when I'm meant to be, or at least seen to be, the role model? You know, just feeling completely alone, utterly lost, and just wanting to give up so desperately. But even in that moment, in the blur of hot tears and hopelessness, there was this tiniest, littlest ember [00:03:00] inside my chest.
Stubborn, quiet, but alive. And do you know what that was? It was hope. Not the shiny, inspirational kind, but the gritty, spiteful, "Fuck it, I'll keep going" kind. It was just enough to pick myself up off the shower floor, just enough to dry my tears, just enough to do the next true thing, which for me was- Putting on my pajamas, right?
You know, it wasn't glorious, it wasn't profound, but it was real, and sometimes that's where the healing begins. And that's the thing, isn't it? The idea that to be a role model, we have to hold it all together, that we can only lead if we're strong, composed, regulated, enlightened. But here's what I've learned.
Being a role model doesn't mean [00:04:00] hiding your humanity or your humility. It means being real. It means being honest enough to say, "I'm not okay right now, but I'm still here. I'm still breathing." And yes, it's painful. Yes, it's messy, but this too shall pass. A phrase so many new moms whisper under their breath, including me, just to survive the day or even the hour.
But it also applies to those invisible seasons too, the ones that no one warns you about, the ones you don't see coming, the ones you don't feel prepared for, the ones where your soul is unraveling and you don't yet have the language for it. These moments in the shower, they weren't breakdowns. They were truth cracks, places where something in me was trying to break free, not break down.
And looking back now, I [00:05:00] can see them for what they really were. Not shameful, not weak, but sacred. That was the moment the old version of me started to dissolve. I was in the void, the space between no longer and not yet, and even though it felt like I was disappearing, I was actually becoming So if you're in that space right now, the ache, the numbness, the invisibility, I want you to know this.
You are not lost. You're unlayering, like a smelly onion, peeling back the layers of imperfection, or at least the ones you were taught to believe were imperfections. You're not too much. You're not, not enough. You're just in the middle of remembering who the fuck you are, and it's as simple as that. And you're allowed to not have the words yet to explain what's happening.
This part [00:06:00] isn't about explaining, it's about feeling your way through it. And I know it feels like you're wading through mud sometimes, thick, heavy, endless, but it won't last forever, okay? I promise it won't last forever. This is a passage, not a punishment. And sometimes all we need is permission, so here is your permission.
You're allowed to grieve who you were. You're allowed to rest, to crumble, to rebuild quietly, because there's nothing wrong with you. You're not broken. You're becoming. And one day, not too far from now, you'll look back on this space not as failure, but as the moment you finally started coming home to yourself.
You're becoming a newer, more improved version of who you were, not by force, not by perfection, but by presence. By presence, okay? You don't have to [00:07:00] go back to who you used to be. That version of you who was never... Or rather, that version of you was never wrong, okay? She helped you evolve. She helped you learn and grow and rise through the experiences that shaped you.
She just brought you here
And now it's time to meet who you're becoming, the one who doesn't need to explain her tears, the one who feels deeply and stands tall, the one who knows that visibility starts from within because your inner world creates your outer world. So here's what I want you to do right now, okay, with me. Let's take a breath, a deep breath in, okay?
Place a hand on your heart, and I want you to remember, just because it was doesn't mean it [00:08:00] will be. Okay? You are not invisible. You are in transformation, and I see you. So let's keep making the invisible visible
And in the next episode, okay, we're gonna go deeper into what happens when you carry all of this, okay? The emotional weight, the silent responsibilities, the unspoken pressure to hold it all together. You know, we call it burnout, but it's more than exhaustion, it's soul depletion, and for so many of us, it's been normalized.
So next time, I want to talk to you about what burnout really feels like on an energetic level, how to recognize it, how to honor it, and how to begin coming home to yourself again.
[00:09:00] Until next time, just because it was doesn't mean it will be. With love, Carina