Podcast Episode #39 When You’re the One Who Holds Everything… But No One Holds You
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[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to yet another inspirational podcast episode brought to you by yours truly Carina Bull. I'm your truth speaker. Truth seeker, truth keeper, and I'm so glad that you are here with me today.
Hey, it's Carina and welcome back to Soul Medicine with Carina Bull. There's a pattern I see all the time. And it doesn't look like a struggle. On the outside, it looks like capability. It looks like being the one everyone relies on, the one who keeps things [00:01:00] running, the one who knows what needs to be done before anyone says it.
But underneath that, there's a quiet depletion, a kind of tiredness that doesn't come from doing too much. It comes from not being held while you are doing it. This episode isn't here to fix that. It's here to gently show you what's actually happening underneath it and why it feels the way it does. You became the one who holds everything, not because you wanted to.
But because somewhere along the way, it felt safer to be the one who copes than the one who needs. So you learned how to anticipate, how to carry, how to keep going, even when you were tired, [00:02:00] even when you were hurting, even when no one noticed. And over time, that became your identity. The strong one, the capable one, the one who doesn't need much.
But here's the part that often goes unseen. The more you became that version of yourself, the further you moved away from your own needs. Not because you don't have them, because you stopped expecting them to be met. And that creates a very specific kind of exhaustion. Not burnout from doing, but depletion from not receiving.
And this is the part where it [00:03:00] gets uncomfortable, because on the surface it can look like. I'm just tired. I've got a lot going on. It's just a busy season, but underneath that, there's often something deeper, A body that doesn't feel supported, a nervous system that is constantly bracing a heart that has learned to give without expecting anything back.
And here's the quiet truth you don't feel safe needing. So instead, you over-function, you hold more, you give more. You anticipate more, not because it feels good, because it feels familiar, and the hard part is [00:04:00] the more you do that. The more invisible your needs become. People don't step in because you've trained them not to.
So you keep holding more, and over time you don't just feel unsupported. You forget what it even feels like to be supported at all.
But there is another way your body is meant to feel. Not high energy, not fixed, not suddenly different. Just supported
where you are not scanning for what's needed next, where you are not holding everything together alone, where your system isn't quietly asking, is anyone gonna catch me if I stop? [00:05:00] Support doesn't feel like intensity. It feels like your shoulder's dropping your breath's, slowing your body, realizing it doesn't have to carry everything at once.
And for many women, that feeling is unfamiliar, not because it's wrong. Because it hasn't been consistent. So instead of asking, how do I stop being the strong one, a gentler question is, where have I stopped letting myself be supported? Not in a big dramatic way, in small, almost invisible moments where you could pause.
But you don't where you could ask, [00:06:00] but you won't where you could soften, but stay braced instead because your system learned. It's safer if I just handle it,
and this is the part most people try to push through. Set boundaries, speak up, stop over giving. But if your body doesn't feel safe doing that, it turns into another thing you have to hold. So the real integration is quieter than that. And it sounds like I don't have to fight to have needs, I don't have to defend my limits to honor them.
I don't have to prove I'm struggling. To deserve support, and sometimes it even starts smaller than that. Letting something be unfinished, [00:07:00] letting someone else handle it, letting yourself pause without immediately filling the space, not because you figured it all out, because you're beginning to trust just because it was.
Doesn't mean it will be.
And so if this episode felt close to home today, it doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It means you've been holding more than your system was ever meant to carry alone. And that awareness is where things begin to shift gently. If your system feels like it needs somewhere to land after this, you can listen to my ground, clear and protect meditation.
It's a gentle space to help you settle your body, release some of what you've been holding and come back to yourself. It's free [00:08:00] and it's in the show notes. When you are ready, I'll be here, ready and waiting, and if this episode resonated. You are welcome to follow the podcast or share it with someone who might need to hear it too.
Until next time, with Love Carina.