Podcast Episode #48 - Who Were You Before Survival Taught You Who You Had To Be?
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[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to yet another inspirational podcast episode brought to you by yours truly, Carina. I'm your truth speaker, truth seeker, truth keeper, and I am so glad that you're here with me today
One of the saddest things about survival is not what it makes women do, it's what it makes women leave behind. The playful woman, the creative woman, the outspoken woman, the woman who trusted herself, who rested without [00:01:00] guilt, who laughed more, who took up space. The woman who wasn't constantly second-guessing herself.
Because survival doesn't always take those parts away. Sometimes it simply convinces you they're no longer safe to be. And over time, you forget they were ever there. You become the responsible one, the strong one, the helper, the fixer, the one who holds everything together, and everyone applauds you for it.
Meanwhile, the real you is quietly sitting in the corner wondering where she went I'm Carina Bull, trauma-aware facilitator, intuitive mentor, and apparently a professional pattern [00:02:00] interrupter these days. I help women recognize and interrupt the patterns behind hypervigilance, over-functioning, emotional exhaustion, and self-abandonment, so you can reconnect with who you were before survival taught you who you had to be.
And around here, we do emotional truth, nervous system awareness, and the occasional lovingly delivered truth bomb. So today, I want to talk to you about something that sits underneath so much of the work I do with women, who you've had to become, and more importantly, who you had to leave behind. Because I don't think most women wake up one morning and decide, "I'd like to disconnect from myself."
Nobody chooses that. [00:03:00] It happens slowly, quietly, over years, sometimes decades even. You learn that being easygoing gets more approval than being honest, so you stop speaking up. You learn that being helpful gets more love than having needs, so you stop asking for support. You learn that being responsible keeps everybody happy, so you become the one who carries everything.
You learn that being agreeable feels safer than disappointing people, so you start abandoning yourself before anyone else gets the chance. And eventually, you become very good at [00:04:00] being who everyone else needs you to be, but not necessarily who you are. That's the part I think many women grieve without even realizing it, not because they've lost themselves, but because they've lost access to themselves.
There's a difference because the woman underneath survival, she's still there. She's just been buried beneath years of coping
And here's what I notice over and over again. Survival doesn't just change behaviors, it changes identity. The woman who used to paint stopped creating. The woman who used to dance stopped moving. The woman who used to dream stopped imagining. [00:05:00] The woman who trusted herself started asking everyone else what they thought first.
The woman who felt deeply started intellectualizing everything instead. The woman who had opinions started apologizing before sharing them, not because those parts disappeared, but because survival decided they weren't safe. And when survival is running the show, safety will always win over authenticity every single time.
That's its job. But eventually, what kept you safe starts keeping you stuck. And this is where things get painful, because many women spend years trying to improve themselves, fix themselves, heal themselves, without ever stopping to ask, "What am I actually trying to [00:06:00] come back to?" Because healing isn't about just letting go of what's hurting, it's also about reconnecting with what's missing.
The laughter, the joy, the confidence, the creativity, the self-trust, the spontaneity, the softness, the truth, the parts of you that survival convinced you were too much, too emotional, too sensitive, too loud, too ambitious, too needy, too expressive, too difficult, too something. And after a while, you stop questioning those stories.
You simply start believing them. "This is just who I am." No. Maybe this is who survival taught you to be [00:07:00] And honestly, I find that incredibly hopeful because if survival taught it, it can be questioned. If survival created it, it can be softened. If survival buried it, it can be rediscovered. Not overnight, not perfectly, but gradually.
Because healing isn't becoming somebody new, it's remembering, it's reconnecting. It's recognizing the places where you've been abandoning yourself and slowly choosing differently. It's saying, "Actually, I do have needs. Actually, I am allowed to rest. Actually, I don't need everyone's approval. Actually, I don't have to keep proving my worth through how much I carry.
Actually, I miss parts of myself, and I'd like them back, thank you very much [00:08:00] I think that's what so many women are truly longing for. Not perfection, not enlightenment, not becoming somebody else, but coming home to themselves. So this week, I want to leave you with a question. Who were you before survival taught you who you had to be?
Not who you were before trauma, not who you were before life got hard. Who were you before you learned what parts of yourself felt safest to hide? What did she enjoy? What did she believe? What did she need? What did she stop doing? What parts of herself did she leave behind in order to survive? Because the goal isn't to become somebody new.
The goal is to stop abandoning the person you've [00:09:00] been all along. And i- if this conversation stirred something in you, if it reminded you of the parts of yourself you've been missing, I'd love to invite you into this month's Soul Medicine Women's Circle. We'll be gathering online on Sunday the 12th of July from 10:00 AM to 11:00 AM Australian Eastern Standard Time for an hour of reflection, connection, and remembering.
Because sometimes healing isn't finding something new. Sometimes it's simply returning to the parts of yourself that were never truly lost. If you'd like to join us, you'll find the link in the show notes. And as always, just because it was doesn't mean it will be. This is not your personality. This is survival.
And maybe the woman you're [00:10:00] looking for isn't missing at all. Maybe she's simply waiting for you to come home. With love, Carina