Content note: This episode includes discussion of bereavement following murder, depression, alcohol, smoking and self-harm. Carina does not go into graphic detail, but she does speak honestly about what that period of her life looked like.
Three days after my sister was murdered, I went back to work. I told myself I needed routine. Normality. Something familiar when everything else had suddenly become incomprehensible.
And for around three months, I kept functioning. I went to work. I did what needed doing. I carried on. And because I was functioning, I thought I was coping. I wasn’t.
In this deeply personal episode, Carina shares one of the lived experiences behind her work and explores what survival can look like when it doesn’t look like falling apart at all. Sometimes survival looks remarkably capable.
It gets dressed.
Goes to work.
Answers messages.
Looks after everybody else.
And keeps moving.
Because functioning and processing are not always the same thing.
In this episode, we explore:
- Why functioning does not necessarily mean you are coping
- How routine can initially support us but sometimes become somewhere to hide
- Why some women become incredibly capable when life feels unbearable
- How emotional pain can begin speaking through behaviour when we do not yet know how to process it
- Why survival responses are not something to shame
- What happens when the thing that helped you survive becomes the way you continue abandoning yourself
- Why receiving support can be very different from proving how much you can carry
- Why you do not have to completely fall apart before your pain is worthy of support
If you have ever found yourself thinking:
“I’m fine. I’m still getting everything done.”
“I just need to keep busy.”
“Everyone thinks I’m coping.”
“I don’t know what would happen if I actually stopped.”
This conversation is for you.
Because some women don’t fall apart when life becomes unbearable. They become incredibly good at carrying on. And sometimes the question is not whether you are strong enough to keep going. You probably are. The harder question is:
Are you moving through what you’re carrying... or staying in motion so you don’t have to feel it?
Continue the Conversation: If this episode has you wondering where survival might be showing up in your own life in ways you’ve learned to call normal, I’d love to invite you into my free private audio series:
Six Hidden Ways Women Quietly Abandon Themselves
Across six short conversations, we explore some of the everyday ways survival can become woven into how you think, behave, relate and move through the world... often so quietly that you begin mistaking those patterns for personality.
Listen privately.
At your own pace.
And start noticing where survival may still be running the show.
—
Carina Bull is a trauma-aware facilitator, intuitive mentor and host of Soul Medicine.
Her work helps women recognise where survival became identity, so they can stop abandoning themselves in real time and reconnect with who they are beneath the roles they learned to perform.
Music from Uppbeat
Mountaineer — Juciest
License code: OEPVET9VNFBLLISZ